Tonight I will be going through the stereotypical boys and maybe even girls who I have encountered in my 10 somewhat years playing football; you might even be making a brief appearance, don’t bother messaging me if you are offended.
1.) The initiator – He rounded up his 4 friends and made the Whatsapp group, he is prepared to play no matter what. Very devoted to the game.
2.) Mr cool jerk – Usually an older guy who shows up and thinks he plays like Messi, he also always wants to feel like a hero and thinks he is the best player to ever play on AstroTurf.
3.) The Ronaldo Underdog – The quiet guy who never responds on the group but always shows up anyway. The most skillful that I have seen, he also likes to avoid confrontations and leaves early.
4.) The little-big guy – This little boy is shorter and skinnier than me, he plays as CAM and likes to chirp everyone, call fouls and even get into fist fights with his own teammates. Avoid him at all costs.
5.) The Vincent Kompany – A1 defender, he has an average name like Michael or Darren. Doesn’t shy away from choosing sides and is very supportive.
6.) The Cheerleaders – Girls who initially come to watch, but once they notice other females engaging in the sport (and the attention that they could claim) they decide to play and crowd the midfield. They think Dennis Bergkamp is a Thermodynamics lecturer.
7.) The nice guy – He barely played soccer in his life, but comes to socialize and because he’s friends with the cool jerk. He’s honestly the most fun since he is the only one who plays for the right reasons.
8.) Goalie – He has a name that you have never heard in your existence on earth and complains about fetching the ball when Mr Cool-Jerk takes a Hollywood shot.
9.) Danial Sturridge – This one is forever complaining about being injured; in January its his Hamstrings, in April its his groin, in May he has the flu. Please take an early retirement and some Calci-Vita.
10.) Sergio Ramos – Every tackle is a two-foot scissor kick. Is low-key aggressive.
11.) The Fuckboy forward – I won’t deny that he has skills, but gives unwanted hugs where a high-five could have been adequate.
12.) Captains’ captain – The girl who dictates whether her boyfriend can play soccer or not on that Friday.
13.) Beth Phoenix – The butch RB who never leaves her position and gives those hard, ground passes and has a thunderous left foot.
14.) The Cutiepie – Youngest player who is always keen to play even though he knows he’s not the best.
xx.
The Footy Fandom 